Saturday, February 23, 2008

Politically Incorrect Saturday Menu

I was making up some tuna salad yesterday, as it is a Friday in Lent, and a thought came back to me. Every can of tuna is stamped "dolphin safe." I've always thought that the taste of tuna has diminished in the years since that started appearing on the cans. Perhaps the bits of dolphin were what gave the canned tuna that extra zing. Then I remembered one of my favorite slogans of all time, with which I shall begin this menu of politically correct things to eat:

Dolphin: The Other Pink Meat

PETA has inspired me over the years on what and how I should eat. After all, any leftist organization that condemns meat and fur and using animals is really dumb. I just do whatever they say not to do. So pass that bucket of KFC while you read on. And if you want to know how I view animals, click here....

My first entry would be the ultimate burger. A double cheeseburger. It would have one slab of swiss, one slab of cheddar, one slab of grilled onion, and a few strips of bacon. One burger patty would be made from Bambi-aged venison, the other from veal, with pork rinds crushed in for extra flavor. They would be fried in lard, salted and peppered, then put on thick sourdough toast with a little mustard.

Next, we go to the sea to find us a dolphin steak or two, which we will grill to perfection. If they were smarter, I wouldn't be eating them. Or even better, we'll fry them in humpback whale oil. I learned they would get wiped out in Star Trek IV. So they're on the menu.

Then we go to the Far East for for a little Mongolian Dog, some Kung-Pow Kitten, and maybe some Moo-Shoo Horse. I'm sure somebody eats these things somewhere, so let's add them. Although to clarify, I'm not interested in eating your pet, just somebody else's.

I've had bear before, but what would really flip my dinger would be some fried polar bear. We could feed an army of people with the current population, and then no one could complain that global warming killed them. Of course we would serve that with a side of baby seal, freshly clubbed. Also, although I can't seem to find it for some reason, I read somewhere on the internet that baby seal tastes kind of like bald eagle.

There's a point here, believe it or not. Sometimes, we get way too carried away when dealing with and thinking about animals. And while I detest wanton cruelty, most people are respectful of animals, treat them humanely, and use them responsibly. This is something that the PETA people don't get, and the people who really spend time with animals usually do. Anyway, if you have any more ideas of endangered animals or politically incorrect foods to eat that will make the overly sensitive scream, let me know. I may want to eat it if I can.

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