An Organic Christmas

Like most of you, I look forward to a magnicifent assload of food to grace the table on Christmas day. Even if I were spending it alone, I'd probably cook until I was threatened by overwhelming leftovers. This got me to thinking (at5:10am, so be warned) about the whole organic thing.

As far as I've been able to discern, organic food is food grown without chemical intervention, using only dirt, shit, and the sweat of hard-working dirty hippies. I can't totally disagree with this concept, as the idea of gardening has been, in addition to a frugal necessity, a way to get the sweetest and freshest food you can get. So, in honor of the staggering amount of food I will consume later today I give you my thoughts. Some of these aren't that original, so I'll try to put a little attitude in just for kicks.

First of all, the healthiest food is found along the walls of the supermarket. On one wall, you find the fruits and vegetables, another wall, the meats, as well as a deli counter. And the dairy products line one other wall. There's also a bakery in most every case. These are the places you will find the least processed foods. If the bulk of your buying comes from these places, you're doing something right. Finding the organic stuff is fine if you want, but the point is to get fresh, minimally processed foods. The worst aisle, by comparison, is the one lined with soft drinks and chips. If you spend time in this aisle on most of your trips to the store, you might as well just staple whale blubber to the appropriate location on your body. Bad, bad, bad.

My second point requires reading, which I know you can all do, since you read my shit. Take a look at the ingredient labels of the food you're buying. Again, simplicity is the key. I checked out the butter in my refrigerator. Here's the ingredient list: cream, salt. Oh, and a warning that butter contains milk for the uber-allergic out there. Compare that with the healthy spreads out there, where I'm sure the word 'hydrogenated' is near the top of the list. Tell me which one is healthier. The point is to try to reduce the amount of chemical flavors in favor of the basics.

And if you're decrying the meat industry for cruelty and hormone laced meats and whatever else you want to complain about, I have the answer how to get the healthiest, leanest, most organic meat out there. It's called hunting. It is the most natural way I know of to get your meat fix. You hunt it, kill it, dress it, skin it, cut it up, freeze it, and enjoy your bounty for months. in addition, you become a part of nature itself. Now that's organic!

Merry Christmas!