First of all, I want to thank everyone who weighed in with a nomination, especially those entertaining enough to deserve inclusion in the pool of nominees. So let's get right to it and get to the nominees that are guilty of asshattery, but don't get mocked with the AOTY award itself, like last year's useless POS, John "Assface" McCain:
President Barack Hussein Obama - Nominated by me - I'll admit this one's an obvious. Since his
FORMER Governor Sarah Palin - Nominated by Satyavati - Another obvious one, as is, in some quarters, as mindlessly adored as dear leader Barry himself. She got on my AOTW radar for her cut-and-run strategy in Alaska, which preceded her book and pre-presidential-campaign tour. In addition to that, and to all the nomination comments, when the American public has problems differnetiating between you and Tina Fey a year after the SNL skit, serious image reinvention is required.
Our runner up is Governor Mark Sanford - Nominated by Z-man - With politicians comes fucking around. It's sad but natural that politicians wander into piles of wet panties the moment they hit the Hill (or the White House or the Governor's mansion, or any position of political power. I could probably list an assload of horny politicians, poking everything from high profile hotties, to horny hookers, to men's room mates, to man-ingesting interns. But usually, it's about having a taste of the strange while the old lady is off taking care of something (or maybe someone) else, and it's usually because they work with them before they work them over. Not so with Mark Sanford. He fell in loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove with his piece of ass. And he headed to South America in pursuit of this looooooooooooooooooooooooooooove. And then he tried to bullshit people where he was. Then he admitted that he looooooooooooooooooooooooooooved her. And finally, he lost Jenny Sanford, who I will graciously invite to come up and meet me, because she is a (soon to be ex-) politician's wife you can respect for booting the bastard. Finally, Mark, love is Evil, you will be consumed and destroyed, your soul torn in two, you will die by this plague brought by pussy. You came close to AOTY for this one.
And now a few quick mentions for those who didn't make the cut, but I could make it funny (lest this post become ponderous):
Beth (nominated by Satyavati) for the sagelike quote: I am not saying this to be funny but there is no such thing as extremist conservatives.... They's crazy mothafuckas all up on both sides of the debate. Even if you agree with them sometimes.
Glenn Beck because his acolytes have no sense of humor concerning him whatsoever and because he's nucking futs. Plus, I just want to hear the reaction.
Satyavati for her blind faith in government not to fuck up health care like they did Social Insecurity and Mediscare (and to avoid hearing it from Beth). And Shaw because she wants to be included with Satyavati. And Tao, because it's Tao. And because I like dropping names.
Al Franken and Barney Frank because they're, respectively, Stuart Smalley and a living, slobbery gay joke.
Tiger Woods because I like piling on sometimes. And because this mess will continue long into 2010.
Joe Lieberman doesn't, because he's at least more honest about his non-party status than his last choice of a president (Assface McCain). But mention for those that are complaining about the INDEPENDENT senator, who was dumped by his party and then beat both the Democrat and Republican candidates. Maybe you Dems who are bitching should have tried harder last year. I feel your pain, although your pains in your ass have the decency to leave the party.
The 111th Congress almost got it for failing to get anything done other than spending money out the ass. However, for
Anyone who doesn't see the point in a relatively light post (the whole AOTY thing) before descending back into the madness of 2010. After all, if we can't take a couple of weeks and laugh at the asshattery of the political scene, there's be a lot more snipers popping political pukes. Okay, maybe that's not so bad.
Truth 101 DOES NOT GET a nomination, and barely a mention, despite his statement that: I haven't said anything stupid this year. Hell. I don't think Ive said anything stupid since I started blogging. I really don't want to reward his attempts to be AOTW. Maybe next year I'll be desperate enough.
Which brings us to the "winner" and 2009 Asshat of the Year:
This pair of clown shoes makes Barney Frank look articulate, Stuart Smalley look like a statesman, Glenn Beck look sane, and Sarah Palin look like the intellectual master of all things political.
It started when Florida's most delusional representative kicked up the rhetoric to that level of partisanship that we usually only see during presidential campaigns, claiming Republicans have two parts to their health care reform: Don't get sick, and If you get sick, die quickly. I think I gave Mr Spam-in-a-can AOTW for that one. Since then, he's led the charge on the Left for idiotic blather in Congress. And given that Washington is known for idiotic blather, he's an exceptional one.
Liberals love him because he's a politician firing off like they wish liberal talk radio could have (having listeners and on the public dole). Conservative despise him because he's more consistently full of shit than most liberals. And polarizing politicians are always great at racking up AOTW status (because you get polarizing by being ridiculous).
But why did he get the Asshat of the Year (besides by being one of the biggest asshats in Washington)? Simple. In the process of getting his ass out of office, some Republicans in Florida launched a site called
Mycongressmanisnuts.com, a parody of Grayson's site Congressmanwithguts.com. However, Grayson is trying to have them prosecuted on a technicality! As the founder of and spokesperson for the site does not live in Grayson's district and is not directly represented by Grayson and the site's name includes the word "my" he sees this as a reason to try to have them prosecuted and shut down. [read the actual bullshit complaint here]
What a fucking baby! This is the kind of pansy shit Nixon would have pulled at his worst. It's pretty bad when you can't respond intelligently to your critics. It's really bad when you need to puss out and turn the law on them. As much as the the imp-GOP-tent minority as tried to derail the Democrat agenda and talk radio has fired, they haven't resorted to trying to shut down debate. And even most of the rest of the Democrat Congress has just hid and talked to NBC propaganda (I mean "news"). Hell, even Obama at least had an excuse (it starts with a B) but would at least get in the political fight.
In the end, Alan Grayson's blather is just average polarizing asshattery. But proving you have no spine (or dick) by going after the local opposing party's effort to unseat you with stupid attempts to use the law to rape free speech is what earns you the derision of ultimate asshattery.
So this is it until 2010. And unlike last year, when I started the awards, I want AOTY Grayson to stay around. Because he is the progressive agenda unmasked (and on the crazy pills). And in the midterm year, it's guaranteed campaign commercial gold. Red meat in the House is always gold for the other side.
The only thing that would be better is if he went to work writing speeches for Joe Biden. Damn, that would be funny.
But that's a subject for next year.