Monday, July 6, 2009

A Star Spangled Reaming and Second Yummiest AOTW Evahhhh!!!!

I decided that rather than make a serious political point, I'd just indulge in an activity started somewhere in the second term of Washington's administration: mocking politicians. And as always, I'll be bipartisan as ever. Because whether I agree, disagree, or want to see the pair of legs behind the desk in the oval orifice, politicians say the darnedest things (and are asshats for doing so).

Can't we all just get along (with the Great Satan)? - This is rich. Mahhhhhhhhhkmoud Ahhhhhhhhhhhkmidinejad wants to "engage President Obama in 'negotiations'" for some reason. My advice to our President: Make the perpetual asshat beg first. Wasn't he comparing the imperialist Obama to the imperialist Bush just last week?
Robo-POTUS - Walt Disney World, in updating their Hall of Presidents, has added an animatronic version of President Obama. Some rumors do indicate that the robo-Obama is the most lifelike of the lot (as the living president is the least lifelike of the lot), as well as installing the TOTUS as an optical implant rather than relying on the standup model.

Equal time for Bush - Former President Bush marked our independence by showing up in Oklahoma. It's of course a standard fare thing, in a nice safe county. But i was annoyed, of course, by someone with an intelligent statement that is wholly misplaced around the former POTUS, who started the bailout mess in the first place: "We're conservative," she said. "We don't spend money we don't have."

On a related note, I have little tolerance for these events since 1992, when then-VP Dan Quayle rolled through St Marys, Ohio. The event was marred by the high school band playing the already-nauseating song "Achy Break Heart" by Billy Ray Cyrus over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over.

And over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, again (in telling the tale, I go on longer). Which reminds me of the dreaded Sean Hannity freedom concert where you get musical shit like that and Lee fucking Greenwood, who sucks more ass than all of DC combined.

And related to that, Lee Greenwood was in the nearby town of Celina on Sunday. Needless to say, I got the fuck out of Dodge before I was subjected to that swill and compelled to projectile vomit. And my sister failed to capture the moment for me when she tried just to taunt me. Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WTF, DC?!?!?!
- The joke is not Marion Berry, who is now a stalker in addition to being a former mayor and cokehead. It's that after doing lines and not getting booted immediately for it, he then comes back and gets elected again and again. Come on! You guys make California and Cleveland look like bastions of common damned sense. And that's hard to do.

Get along home, Cindy Cindy (obscure folk song) - You'd think Cynthia McKinney would figure out that there's a right way and a wrong way to deliver humanitarian aid. But no, the 2008 Green Party joke candidate fells the overwhelming need to keep making statements that change no one's mind. To her credit, she is less useless than Marion Berry, though.

Now I'd include Mark Sanford in here, but I'll save mocking that moron until he is rightfully hounded out of office.

Which brings me to the moment (and Photoshopped boob pic) you've all been waiting for:

Sarah Palin is Asshat of the Week!

Now I'm going to start by saying that the media has been particularly virulent when covering the Wonder of Wasilla. But I'm going to bring up a couple of points why she shouldn't have bailed on her office.

First, in the dirty tricks department, almost anything that shouldn't be fair game usually is. And if you're going to be contemplating a run for the presidency and you're not Obama, you have to expect everything to be thrown at you. Buck up already!

Second, after a lackluster showing in the 2008 election (not all of which can be attributed to Assface McCain), you really needed to rack up some good public record as governor of Alaska. claiming lame duck status over a year and a half out is weak. After all, we like our presidents to have significant private and public service experience if they're not Obama.

Now this isn't the end of Sarah Palin the politician. But now you have to start speaking a lot more, and start appealing to groups that are going to expect you to know your shit (me included). After all, if the 2008 election proved anything, you have to sound smart, not be smart.

So Sarah, before you risk obscurity by becoming Citizen Palin, and so I can add said photo, this Asshat award's for you. Shwinnng!!!


TAO said...

You have been dying to publish that picture for along time haven't you?!

TRUTH 101 said...

You were wise to put the Palin pic at the bottom of the post Patrick. You have grown to new heights of illustriousness in my estimation.

Satyavati devi dasi said...

Really, even if there had been a glimmer of a chance for me to contemplate the possiblity of voting for her, it's gone now.

If you wanna run with the big dogs, you better have some teeth. All I've seen lately is a lot of 'poor me', being a victim, and basically proving that she hasn't got the nut to stand up when the boat gets to rockin.

Not exactly the qualities I'm looking for.

I'm glad you're all excited about the picture, although with your tech skills you could have improved the photoshop job.

Anonymous said...

I have to agree, I really think she shot herself in the foot by stepping down. If she had any hopes of 2012 she should have shown everyone what she was made of. Being in the public eye is always difficult but to drop out, she blew any chance of the presidency.

Gordon said...

Please, Satiavati. Like you ever even considered for the briefest moment voting for Palin.

I'll be writing about this on my own page, but consider the following:

Alaska has a law that allows anyone to file an ethics complaint against a public official. Since McCain chose Palin to run with him, liberals in Alaska have used the law to file numerous complaints about Palin.

All of the complaints have been found to be baseless, yet the liberals continue to file them. Each complaint requires Palin to have legal assistance to be sure she answers it properly. Try half a million dollars of lawyers--so far. The state has also incurred over two million dollars of expenses in investigating, researching and copying documents in the cases.

Palin saw that it wasn't going to stop, and that there was no way to sanction the filers. She decided that she needed to step away, both to serve the state, and to serve her family. Since she chose her lieutenant governor for his competence, not for political reasons, she felt confident that he would carry on as she would have. Unlike, say, if Obama were to leave office and be replaced by Biden.

Of course, she could have stayed in office, but just not showed up for work. This is the path chosen by President Obama, his wife, and other politicians.

I have to agree with the host about Lee Greenwood. He's got one song, and I have always, always hated that song. It is the most insincere piece of crap, and I'll leave the room when it's played.

Satyavati devi dasi said...

Please, Satiavati. Like you ever even considered for the briefest moment voting for Palin.

..which is why I said 'even if'. Uh.. duh.

And I'm not sure what you refer to by saying Obama doesn't show up for work. The man's gotten a whole hell of a lot accomplished in just a couple of months.

Palin wussed out. Politics is hardball, not little league. At least she lived by the old adage; not being able to take the heat, she got the hell out of the kitchen. And if anyone thinks it's any cooler in DC, they're delusional.

She's a wimp and a quitter who's going to continue to play the poor me pity me I'm a victim card. I hope she does. It won't buy her any votes.... just reinforce what we already knew: this is NOT the person you want in charge.

Patrick M said...

Tao: No, found it yesterday. But hey, if there's fur on the field....

101: And if i told you I'm thinking of making the pic the background for the blog?

Saty: I didn't really think there was a chance of you voting for her any time in the future anyway.

And I might have been able to fix the pic. But then I would have had to do some work. It's kind of interesting the way it is. I figure she could extend that neck down to eat baby seals without bending over.

Jenn: Look on the bright side. She could run for the Senate and rack up 6 months of experience. Of course, she's a Republican....

Gordon: Lee Greenwood is the personification of the reason I like all my musicians REALLY LIBERAL!

Name: Soapboxgod said...

"Tao: Not true, sir. There's a reason I quote men like Mr Adams and admire men of the caliber of Mr Washington: While they took great power upon themselves, they had the will to let it go...."

Be it known Patrick that, if for no other reason, it is worth commending Sarah Palin in this regard. And asshat or not, by stepping down, she has shown just that.

Gordon said...


I mean that Obama was elected to the senate, and served two years before he abandoned the job to run for president. His wife took a salary from the hospital her husband helped fund, and spent 2008 campaigning. Funny how the hospital didn't bother to fill the position (that had been created just for her) after she went to Washington.

Obama had promised the voters of Illinois that he would serve his full term. Of course, we've all seen in the last five months how all of Obama's promises come with an expiration date.

TAO said...

Oh, lets not make such a big deal of Sarah Palin, realistically she hit the sudden end of one heck of a great trip and she is depressed and bored.

Its got nothing to do with a higher calling but rather all to do with the fact that it is hard to pick up the pieces of your life after you had a trip like the one she just can't seem to get anything back to normal.

She's just restless and looking for her next gig...

She is just going to threaten lawsuits, stomp and storm around a few gigs, and basically self destruct...

Name: Soapboxgod said...

You may very well be right TAO.

I however am going to wait to see what, if anything, becomes of her.

Say what you will though, a great many others before her have done their damndest to retain their power having dealt with far far worse.

I'm interested to know, now that she has liberated herself to where she has the ability to, where she truly stands on the issues and whether she is genuinely different or just a feminine version of the same old and tired guard.

Satyavati devi dasi said...


First, if you're going to address a reply to me, could you spell my name right?

Second: if you try for a promotion and you get the job, you move your shit down to the corner office with the bigass window and the view. Your old job gets filled by someone else and you go on with your new job. If you try for a promotion and you don't get the job, you stay in your cubicle and you keep on doing the job you were doing. At least that's how it's supposed to be.

If I got promoted to director of nursing, I wouldn't be 'abandoning' my job to take that one when my contract was up. I'd be moving up. On the other hand, if I walked out halfway through my contract because my patient was a jerk, that would be 'abandoning' my job.

Don't mix apples and oranges unless you want fruit salad.

Gordon said...


My apologies for the misspelling. I got distracted and hit post without proofreading, but that's no excuse.

If you stopped attending your patients because you were lobbying full-time to become director of nursing, then you would have abandoned your job.

As director of nursing, you discover that those who resent you can spin bogus charges against you without any consequences to themselves. You have to spend hundreds of thousands of your own dollars to defend yourself. The hospital has to divert resources from patient care to administration and legal fees. Perhaps you might decide that it would be better service to step aside.

Satyavati devi dasi said...


By that logic, every politician ever has abandoned their job when they ran for another office or even for reelection.

And when you commit to something, you commit. Sarah Palin quit, wussed out, abandoned the post, couldn't take the heat and wimped out, walked off, cut her losses and shafted the people she promised to work for by not completing her term.

If she thinks somehow this is going to positively impact whatever future plan she has (and you know she has one), she's dead wrong.

This has pretty much put the last nail in the coffin for her, and it's her own doing.

Tsk tsk.

Anonymous said...

I realize that all politician have to deal with petty crap at times, but Palin has been attacked with every breath she took. Tell me another representative that has been the butt of jokes and such criticism and allegations that she has had to put up with that hasn't provoked it by having an affair or stealing money.

I don't think she has what it takes to be president but to be fair, she has taken an awful lot of shots. Show me someone else that has resigned and the amount of coverage, speculating or belittling that has occurred because of it.

TRUTH 101 said...

I had to shut down a blog I had a blast with because of attacks on me and family members among other reasons. Sometimes shit happens. Sarah either took a gamble or was tired of the shit. Much of which was deserved. Much probably not. Let's all just remember her for this wholesome and inspirational picture the Illustrious Patrick shared with us.

dmarks said...

SDD: "The man's gotten a whole hell of a lot accomplished in just a couple of months."

Yes, like breaking the "no lobbyists" promise, the "no earmarks" promise, and managing to get signed a massive "stimulus" that had nothing to do with stimulating the economy.

And not to mention his massive tax increases on everyone, breaking his promise only to impose unnecessary tax increases on only the rich.

Oh. And his deficit/debt spending makes even George W. Bush look responsible in comparison.

This is the kind of "Hell" we can do without.