Sunday, January 11, 2009

Goodbyes, Breaks, and AOTW

I'm in the middle of multiple days off. As a result, I've gone a'slackin. But I have cleaned up the house (mostly) and am on the way to actually not having housework left undone. So I'm thinking this will be short.

(Note: When I say that, it never is.)

Now, let's get the goodbyes in. After 12 years on the air, and many episodes I wanted to throw something at the TV over , Alan Colmes is leaving Hannity and Colmes. Generally getting on my nerves for being an incessant blatherer of absolute sheite, he was the counterbalance that made Sean Hannity shine all the more. Not that I disagreed with Alan all the time. Just almost all the time. But, despite being the guy I was hoping would get punched by Ted Nugent just because, I will miss his insane craptastic moonbattery. I wish him the best of luck in whatever he goes on to do, except in turning people into douchebag liberals.

Of course, that means Hannity will have the whole show to himself starting Monday. And since I've seen his other show, Hannity's America, and I've been saving my list of things Sean has done to annoy me, it's time:

Sean Hannity is Asshat of the Week

There are a couple of things that have earned him this award. First, his weekend show was almost 1/10th as bad as Huckabee. But I'll save Asshat of the Week for Huck-a-duck until he really gets on my nerves. The fact that he will have free reign to remake a show that was built on two assholes arguing every night into something else is depressing. I might have to see what's on CNN at 9. Never mind, it's Larry King. He's almost 1/5th as bad as Huckabee.

But the real ass chapping via Hannity comes from his Freedom Concerts. Before I launch, it is for a good cause, so credit where credit is due. And if this is your kind of thing, hop to it.

But Sean, could you get some actual good music? Or at least not have the concert in Ohio the week of my birthday? Please?

Let me break it down for you. Vomit bags will not be provided:

Billy Ray Cyrus - On the plus side, he produced Miley. However, there's a song called Achey, Breaky Heart. I will never forgive the bastard for this shit. It was 1992, in the final months of the presidential race. I was already burnt out by this crap song, which was being played 86 times a minute. And the song sucked ass. But what sent me over the edge into true delusion occurred during a visit to St Marys, Ohio by then-VP Dan Quayle. Standard political rally, but big for us. But, in all the inanity of the event, the high school band played that fucking song over, and over, and over, and over, and over.... (In oral retelling, I say "over, and over" for a good 2-3 minutes, or until I'm about to get punched.) Needless to say, I'd rather watch an American Idol marathon than be subjected to that.

Michael W Smith - What, he had one hit song? Other than that, he hand-jobs the Christian music cir cut, so it's obvious his focus is not on music. So I'm not even going to waste more space.

Lee Greenwood - Clusterfuck of things I can't stand. First of all, he sucks as a singer. He has one of the most grating voices I have ever heard. Sure he can carry a tune, but I wish he'd carry it into the wilderness and not bring it back. I have him singing something (O Holy Night, if you want to know) in my Christmas collection (an assload of CDs) and I have to skip it just to not hear him. Then there's his signature tune, God Bless the USA. I can say that it is a patriotic little tune. It also sucks ass. It's singsongy, has lyrics more trite than 80's power ballads, and gets overplayed by people with no taste in music (Republicans, mainly).

Charlie Daniels Band - Not going to knock Charlie Daniels, except for two things. First, letting Hannity sing. Second, for showing up with these other asshats-in-waiting.

So Sean, go out and find some actual musical talent. Get Nuge to slap on the loincloth. Even better, have him shoot an arrow through Lee Greenwood's vocal chords. And whatever you do, don't get Huck-a-duck's band on stage for next year's concerts or the asshat award is coming you way.

14 comments:

Satyavati devi dasi said...

OMG.. have we finally reached something we can truly agree on without compromise?

Lee Greenwood has the most puke-inducing music of all time.

I remember back in 91 they played it CONSTANTLY on the radio because the whole (first Gulf) war was getting cranked up and it was always a matter of having to hide the pukiness for fear of being publicly beaten for treason.

Then after 9/11 it all began again.

I'm sorry. I hate this song. I hate his voice, I hate the incessant red-white-and-blueness of it, I hate the triteness, I hate the blatant bullshit of it all.

At one point I actually heard people discussing making this the new anthem.

If that shit ever went down, I'm moving.

If people want to change the anthem (which idea I am wholeheartedly for), I think the top contender should be Ray Charles' (and no one else's) America the Beautiful.

But that's a different discussion.

All this agreeing with you has me a little confused and disconcerted, so moving back into familiar territory: I disagree completely.. Larry King pretty much rocks.

Patrick M said...

Saty: Larry King rocks?!?!?!?!?

You're not THAT old (or braindead). Next you're going to say that Huck-a-duck's show is good.

Arthurstone said...

Some basic observations of popular culture:

There are no funny 'conservative' comedians.

98.6% of listenable pop music is created by liberals.

I've yet to meet a jazz musician who admits to voting Republican.

Satyavati devi dasi said...

Arthur,

You made a good point that got me thinking, just what is the correlation between music, Hollywood, and liberalism?

If I had to do a split-second speculation, my answer would have something to do with creativity and the free exercise and encouragement thereof, which does tend to constrict and stifle under a conservative mentality.

Hmmmm.

Satyavati devi dasi said...

And our TV doesn't get Fox News, so if that show's on Fox, I'll never see it.

:P

And yeah, Larry rocks.

Patrick M said...

Arthur: Comedy is comedy. I don't ascribe an ideology to it, because to do so robs of it.

As for music, there's a reason I don't agree with most of the musicians in my collection. But that's not why I listen to them.

BTW, I lack humor?

Saty: Are you saying conservatives can't have a free-wheeling and creative mentality?

If so, bite my hairy ass. :)

Also, get off the Larry King thing. Proves you've lost it.

Pasadena Closet Conservative said...

Colmes is much better on radio than on TV, although I'll never agree with his politics.

The thing about the music at the Freedom Concerts is that these are the kinds of acts that draw patriots in. The likes of Beyonce and Alicia Keyes just won't cut it.

If Hannity could get Uncle Ted, that would be Heaven-sent!

Satyavati devi dasi said...

So are you saying that 'patriots' listen to puke music?

And that conversely, those who don't aren't patriots?

That's some tender ground you're treading on.

repsac3 said...

Maybe you could dig up that old wingnut meme about you righties having all the hot women, if that'll make you feel better.

(I can't recall it exactly, but there's pix of Coulter, Bo Derrick, and a few of the FoxNews babes on one side (the RIGHT side, if you know what I mean), and Helen Thomas, Janet Reno, and Ruth Bader-Ginsberg on the other...) It's sexist as hell, but then isn't that what you folks is all about...?

(No, I know *you're* not... But it do seem to appeal to that same segment of the wingnut population responsible for the music choices...)

While there are exceptions, I do think that the liberal mind is more performance art creative, for exactly the reasons one would think. It's not so much the economic conservatives, but them social Cons & bible-thumpers just don't inspire a willingness to step out of the box and try new & different things, musically, or any other way... Reruns of "father knows best" & "the 700 club" (aka: FATHER knows best) are about as risque as they're willing to get... ...in public, anyway.

Unlike Arthur, I do think the redneck 4 (I can't think of what they call themselves, but I expect you know who I mean--Foxworthy & friends) are kinda funny, but sometimes I wonder whether I'm laughing at them or with them, you know?... That doesn't happen when I'm watching comedians who're more liberal (or less obvious about where their politics lie)...

repsac3 said...

Oh, I forgot... Larry puts me right to sleep... If the guest(s) can't carry the show in spite of him (& most can't) I can't be bothered with him, either... But then, as a lib, it's in my contract never to leave MSNBC for more than a few minutes at a time, anyway... (Unless they're wasting my time with those stupid doc-blocks... I'd almost rather watch Larry King... almost.)

Patrick M said...

Repsac: You know that the MSNBC will rot your brain to the point Larry King will sound entertaining.

dmarks said...

If Hannity made it a "Freedom from Country Music Concert", I'd consider going.

Dee said...

Okay, you've violated all kinds of things with this post ;-))).

1st of all calling Sean Hannity an asshat for any reason simply isn't allowed in my world ;-)). 2nd, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW BADLY I WANT TO GO TO ONE OF HIS FREEDOM CONCERTS???? I can't even begin to tell you.

Lee Greenwood's God Bless the USA is my favorite song of all time. Michael W. Smith is actually an extremely talented Christian singer who in the Christian genre has done very well. He's been putting out albums since I was in highschool. As for Billy Ray Cyrus, you'd have a point except for I'm really impressed with how he's handled his family and his daughter and her success.

So put all that together and I'd kill to go to one of his freedom concerts but have never had the money to go. So for you to call him an asshat for this is just wrong, wrong, wrong.... Okay, I've had my say ;-)).

Patrick M said...

See: What took you so long? I thought you'd be screaming at me half a second after I posted Sean. But I stand by my comments. ESPECIALLY about Lee Greenwood.

I'll be kind and not launch on my Christian rock diatribe, though.

Maybe we could convince Sean to move it out of Ohio and over to KC for you.