(Note: When I say that, it never is.)
Now, let's get the goodbyes in. After 12 years on the air, and many episodes I wanted to throw something at the TV over , Alan Colmes is leaving Hannity and Colmes. Generally getting on my nerves for being an incessant blatherer of absolute sheite, he was the counterbalance that made Sean Hannity shine all the more. Not that I disagreed with Alan all the time. Just almost all the time. But, despite being the guy I was hoping would get punched by Ted Nugent just because, I will miss his insane craptastic moonbattery. I wish him the best of luck in whatever he goes on to do, except in turning people into douchebag liberals.
Of course, that means Hannity will have the whole show to himself starting Monday. And since I've seen his other show, Hannity's America, and I've been saving my list of things Sean has done to annoy me, it's time:
There are a couple of things that have earned him this award. First, his weekend show was almost 1/10th as bad as Huckabee. But I'll save Asshat of the Week for Huck-a-duck until he really gets on my nerves. The fact that he will have free reign to remake a show that was built on two assholes arguing every night into something else is depressing. I might have to see what's on CNN at 9. Never mind, it's Larry King. He's almost 1/5th as bad as Huckabee.
But the real ass chapping via Hannity comes from his Freedom Concerts. Before I launch, it is for a good cause, so credit where credit is due. And if this is your kind of thing, hop to it.
But Sean, could you get some actual good music? Or at least not have the concert in Ohio the week of my birthday? Please?
Let me break it down for you. Vomit bags will not be provided:
Billy Ray Cyrus - On the plus side, he produced Miley. However, there's a song called Achey, Breaky Heart. I will never forgive the bastard for this shit. It was 1992, in the final months of the presidential race. I was already burnt out by this crap song, which was being played 86 times a minute. And the song sucked ass. But what sent me over the edge into true delusion occurred during a visit to St Marys, Ohio by then-VP Dan Quayle. Standard political rally, but big for us. But, in all the inanity of the event, the high school band played that fucking song over, and over, and over, and over, and over.... (In oral retelling, I say "over, and over" for a good 2-3 minutes, or until I'm about to get punched.) Needless to say, I'd rather watch an American Idol marathon than be subjected to that.
Michael W Smith - What, he had one hit song? Other than that, he hand-jobs the Christian music cir cut, so it's obvious his focus is not on music. So I'm not even going to waste more space.
Lee Greenwood - Clusterfuck of things I can't stand. First of all, he sucks as a singer. He has one of the most grating voices I have ever heard. Sure he can carry a tune, but I wish he'd carry it into the wilderness and not bring it back. I have him singing something (O Holy Night, if you want to know) in my Christmas collection (an assload of CDs) and I have to skip it just to not hear him. Then there's his signature tune, God Bless the USA. I can say that it is a patriotic little tune. It also sucks ass. It's singsongy, has lyrics more trite than 80's power ballads, and gets overplayed by people with no taste in music (Republicans, mainly).
Charlie Daniels Band - Not going to knock Charlie Daniels, except for two things. First, letting Hannity sing. Second, for showing up with these other asshats-in-waiting.
So Sean, go out and find some actual musical talent. Get Nuge to slap on the loincloth. Even better, have him shoot an arrow through Lee Greenwood's vocal chords. And whatever you do, don't get Huck-a-duck's band on stage for next year's concerts or the asshat award is coming you way.