Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Christmas Extravaganza Post

Okay, it's December 23, I'm done with politics for the week.

So here's my schedule. I wrapped presents on Friday night (as I was off), vegged Saturday night after work, finished cleaning Sunday night after work, started the cookie dough prep. Monday was baking cookies until work, then baking more cookies into the wee hours (and I'm out of vanilla extract). Plus, I missed Intervention at 9 and they reran it at 1AM. Add to that I always consume an adult beverage when viewing the show (usually at wine o'clock), and I woke up with that splitting headache I can get from one damned drink!!!!!!!!! Between non-functioning and a few errands to run, I have yet to ice my sugar cookies as I got to work. And somehow (because I started it earlier) I managed to get this post out.

I need to get to bed earlier, but I've still got those cookies. My presents are all wrapped (as the last two were on my doorstep when I got home). The childrenkids get to open gifts on Christmas Eve morning (another reason I'm posting this today) for reasons that will be made clear in the next sentences. The kids will be going with their mother Christmas Eve so my babysitter can go see her family (a 7-hour drive one way) and that means a noon pickup. I work until 7:30, then get everybody home and bedded (that would be an hour from the time they get home to the time I start bedding). Christmas Day we pack up and go to my family's for the feast (blood-assed red delicious prime fucking rib, kiddies!!!) and presents. Then I run the kids to their mother by 2pm for Christmas with her. And then I work the last shift of the day (6-10pm), collect the kids, go home, and prepare for the post-Christmas loot/ornament buy (before I go to work) on Friday. So it will be a busy little week. Then I get Saturday off.

I've been watching a lot of Christmas stuff over the last few weeks, and it occurred to me that with our modern schedule, way too many people open Christmas gifts on days other than Christmas day. And thanks to the archaic view laid down in "A visit from St Nicholas" (Twas the night before Christmas..., etc for those of you who can't Google), parents are forced to sculpt more elaborate bullshit every year to cover the gaffes and inconsistencies. And being that I have younglings, and I want them to enjoy some Santa-rific fun, I must use every tool at my disposal, like having the kids log on and watch NORAD tracking Santa.

So to add to the whole mythology (and clarify what the bs story will be as they ask the penetrating questions), I'll introduce the EEDS (Early Elf Delivery Service). Feel free to pass it along:
Due to the rising frequency of off day present Opening, Santa commissioned the Early Elf Delivery Service (EEDS). Prior to this, he had been forced to use standard channels (FedEx, UPS, global postal services) to get gifts out early, and still uses them in limited circumstances.

The need for the EEDS is due to the fact that Santa's magic is limited until Christmas Eve arrives, and he is unable to travel the world until then (has something to do with stability of the space-time continuum). However, 8 teams of elves, specially trained and equipped with thier own magic, begin deliveries of presents that Santa has marked for early delivery up to a week before Christmas. The elves (capable of carrying up to 200 pounds of presents each trip) begin a 24-hour, 7-day marathon of visiting houses where the children will have to open their gifts early, stopping only to search for cookies in the houses they visit, and occasional naps (usually after a long tall hot chocolate with whipped marshmallows). Their marathon ends just in time for them to return to the North Pole to see Santa lift off for his yearly flight around the world.
Okay, now, on tho the next thing: iLLWiLL Press has a Christmas flash cartoon extravaganza. All three are good, but here's the crappy YouTube version of the best one of all:

And now, as I am off work and must pick up the younglings (and maybe let them open a present early (they already opened the foam swords)):

Merry Christmas!!!

16 comments:

Shaw Kenawe said...

I hope you have a great Christmas with the little ones, Patrick.

All my cookies are done, gifts wrapped, decorating all done.

I like to concentrate on the cooking and food.

Christmas eve dinner:

I make the Italian traditional Feast of the Seven Fishes:

Petite homemade crab cakes with a homemade mayo/lemon/caper dressing.

Then I make smelts: clean, dry, dredge in flour, then saute in olive oil and serve with wedges of lemon and bay leaves.

Then I make a zuppa di pesce with 5 different fish/shellfish: talapia, haddock, scallops, shrimp and little neck clams--simmered in a savory broth of light tomato sauce and saffron, served over toasted Tuscan bread. A serious Chardonnay with this.

Dessert: Homemade tart of chocolate pecan, homemade cookies. Lemoncello afterwards.

Christmas day: French onion soup baked with a puff pastry top. Main course (I usually have standing rib roast, but not this year): beef tenderloins with a horseradish/whipped cream sauce, served with roasted butternut squash, onions and dried cranberries dressed with brown sugar and balsamic vinegar, fresh green beans with shitake mushrooms and sundried tomatoes, potato gallette. Wine: Pinot noir, and a California Cabernet--probably from Ridge Vineyards.

Dessert: Leftover pecan chocolate tart.

Chin-chin!

[No green bean casserole at this house. Sorry.]

Beth said...

Merry Christmas and thanks for the gift of the holiday music playlist!

Satyavati devi dasi said...

Merry Christmas, Patrick.

Mostly because of my job and all we've done our Christmas on Christmas Eve and then doled out time between families on the actual Day. However, for the past 15 years or so it's just been my family since his has been up north. Now, though, we'll be back to switching off.

I know I told you but since Shaw started it, our Christmas Eve dinner is where our tradition is. Scott ALWAYS makes Christmas Eve dinner, which consists of stuffed shells, salad, nice bread, and some kind of pie for dessert. Stuffed shells are not served in this house on any other day of the year. EVER. It's come up for discussion a couple of times and been quickly deflated.

The reason he makes Christmas Eve dinner is this: on our first Christmas Eve (1990) we had only been together about 2 1/2 months. He said he was going to make dinner for me as part of my gift. I got all dressed up and we had just about sat down to eat when some guys with a big truck showed up to deliver the new bed he bought. The bed wasn't part of the gift.. at least til later. Anyway, it ruined the dinner. So he said he'd have to do it again next year.

And so he's done it every year since then, although we haven't had any more bed deliveries. This will be our 19th Christmas together.

Oh, and for beverages to accompany this meal we can expect some kind of diet orange soda (for me) and something Dr. Pepper-ish (for him) with hot chocolate later on for me. We don't drink.

And we're going to my sister's on the 26th.

Have a happy and a safe holiday :)

Obob said...

Merry Christmas

Gayle said...

Patrick, I think your younglings are extremely lucky to have you for their Dad! Bless you for being such a good father.

MERRY CHRISTMAS! May it be joyous and blessed.

Beth said...

Here is something for the kiddies to do for fun:

http://www.myrecipes.com/recipes/static/sweeps/myholiday/ecard.html

Dave Miller said...

Have a great Christmas Patrick.

The video was great.

Patrick M said...

Shaw: I can live without the green bean casserole. We're not having it for my family's feast. But I do have some green beans I'll have to use up another day (like this weekend).

BTW, can you have Santa deliver a plate of the Italian here? He'll be over Boston before he gets here. As I write this, he's over Enderby Land, Antarctica (south of Madagascar).

Beth: Wait until the next playlist (for in February).

I might get them on that link, but they already got to help ice real cookies (and I'll include a pic later, I think) after we opened gifts, but before they got showered. I still have to clean that mess up.

Saty: Thanks for sharing the story of your stuffed shells here for everyone else to enjoy.

Obob: Certainly not feeling verbose, are we? :)

Gayle: I'll have to post the pics.

Patrick M said...

Dave: Nothing says Christmas like a pissed-off squirrel.

Bullfrog said...

Our Christmas Eve was supposed to be at grammas an hour away, but that was done in by both of the little people getting sick. So, instead of finger foods and the usual dessert fudge, cookies, etc, we had Panda Express and wifey made peppermint brownies (from scratch).

As has been the tradition since I was but a boy, we let the kids each open one gift: loads of fun!

Patrick M said...

I'm still in the process of building traditions. I let them open one givt monday night and one tuesday night (cheap stuff, of course). There's the Santa Tracker. And I forced them to at least one watching of A Christmas Story (my only opportunity, as we have a full slate tomorrow). And speaking of A Christmas Story, did you get duck?

BTW, Santa hasn't been past here yet (he's in Grenada or Barbados as I type this). Maybe I'll whip something up and have him deliver it. Or if Shaw comes through, I'll split it with you.

Conservative said...

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you all

Jennifer said...

Patrick, have a wonderful Christmas with the kids. There is just nothing like viewing Christmas through their eyes! You know how much I love the squirrels!!

collins calling said...

Great job on this blog Patrick, have a great Christmas, And now i must get back to my TV, I'm watching A Christmas Story for the umpteenth time.

나는 먼저 자는 것을 얻을 필요가 있다, 그러나 나는 아직도 그 과자를 얻었다. 나의 현재는 전부 나가 가정을 얻을 때) (마지막 2개가 나의 현관 계단에 있었다 감싸인다. childrenkids는 다음 문장에서 분명히 할 이유를 위한 성탄 전야 아침 (다른 이유 나는 이것을 오늘 배치하고 있다)에 선물을 여는 것을 얻는다. 아이는 그들의 어머니 성탄 전야로 갈 것이다 그래서 그녀의 가족이라고 (7 시간 드라이브 하나 방법)와 그 정오 픽업을 의미한ㄴ다는 것을 나의 베이비 시터는 본다 갈 수 있다. 나는 7:30까지 일하고, 그 후에 (그들이 나가 침구를 시작하는) 시간에 가정을 얻는 시간에서 1 시간 있을 모두를 가정과 자 얻는다. 성탄일 우리는 위로 포장하고 향연 (혈액 assed 레드딜리셔스 주요한 지독한 늑골, kiddies!!!)를 위한 가족에게 간다 그리고 현재. 다음 나는 그녀와 가진 크리스마스를 위한 2pm를 거쳐 그들의 어머니에게 아이를 달린다. 그리고 그 후에 나는 일 (6-10pm)의 마지막 교대를 일하고, 아이를 모으고, 집으로 가고, 금요일에 포스트 크리스마스 약탈물 또는 장신구 구매를 위해 (나가 일하기 위하여 가기 전에) 준비한다. 따라서 바쁜 작은 주일 것이다. 다음 나는 토요일을 떨어져 얻는다.

Dee said...

A friend of mine sent me the youtube video last Christmas and it is hilarious!!!!!!

I thought my Christmas schedule was hectic but yours definitely beats mine.

Hope you had a great Christmas!! I came over here on Christmas Eve to wish you a Merry Christmas and got distracted.

TAO said...

Merry Christmas...