Stuff From the SPD Mailbag

I have several emails, all of which I check regularly. Occasionally, I get a forward that I fund funny. And when it coincides with no motivation, a slight headache, and a day filled with dodging children and helping people find the damned period on their keyboard (seriously, I spent several minutes on that one) then I am bound to dig into that mailbag and pull out something with humor. But there is a point, and it relates to my recurring theme of the dangers of expanding government. So here's some humorous reading:

A new addition to Chemistry's Periodic Table

Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every action with which it comes into contact.

A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This
hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with money,Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

There is currently a theory that morons can gain a devious control over peons causing them to attempt to choose up sides in what theoretically could be called an electorium. Unfortunately, it is a known fact that that in any electorium the side with the lowest class of morons would attempt to put the worst of their lot in an elevated position. Often those of dubious character are referred to as democratiums. Lets hope this is just a theory! We should find out by the first Monday after the first Tuesday in November of this year.

So until Monday, remember that dealing with the government is easier with excessive lubrication.