Sunday, March 16, 2008

Strategeries for the Default Candidate

With the Democrat primary an increasingly vicious horserace, and a sagging economy increasingly dominating the news, the default GOP nominee, John McCain has been getting short shrift. However, he did spend an hour talking to Sean Hannity this week, and as he has time to stay under the radar, polish his political machine, and put together strategeries to defeat both Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. So as a service to the hapless Republican strategerists that are attempting to pull defeat out of the jaws of victory, I will give the McCain camp the secrets to winning the White House:

J C Watts - The VP candidate is the simplest and best way McCain can distinguish himself. He needs a well-spoken, charismatic, out-of-the-beltway conservative that brings in a part of the country that McCain may not win. In other words, someone that is the anti-McCain. Whether that be J C Watts or another conservative of similar stature, it's more important due to his age, as well as his public perception.

Go Right, Old Man.... - McCain needs to unleash every conservative position he has ever had. And he needs to find ways to pull back form reaching across the aisle. In addition, he needs to have at least one or two pieces of conservative legislation being debated in the Senate by the convention. And it needs to be consistent with his promises of no earmarks and (read his lips?) no new taxes.

McCain on the Grill - In my letter to the Senator, I listed the different people he should go talk to in order to get his message out to the various conservatives out there. So far he's done an hour with Hannity. And I was not impressed. He showed all the enthusiasm and energy of a square dancing accounting professor. (I had one. Really!) So rather than repeat my list, I'll just challenge McCain to find somebody who will grill him mercilessly, torture him like an American pilot in Vietnam, (Wait, he already did that) and challenge him until his Senatorial equivocations are burned away and we get a mentally purified candidate. And if the Senator needs a blogger to verbally beat the shit out of him, I would be honored to break him, then rebuild him in my image. Damn, I have an ego.

Banishing Moonbats - On both the extreme left and extreme right there are kookburgers of such vileness that associating with them is a bad thing. For Senator Obama, the name is Jeremiah Wright. For Senator McCain, the name that currently comes to mind that the whackjobs will keep throwing up is John Hagee. So here's what you do. Add an "endorsement denied" page to your website. Anyone who has a string of hateful and divisive statements, make sure they're on the page. When asked about them, play dumb. Then, when given the quote, call the endorser an idiot, refer them to the page, and go on. With Google, all things are possible, especially eliminating right wing goofballs.

Of course the chances of John McCain listening to me are about the same as Ron Paul being anything other than the GOP's case of herpes. So I won't hold my breath.

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