How To Shoot Up a Mall

The eyes of the nation are now on Omaha, Nebraska, as they pick up from a shooting in a mall where a 19-year-old whackjob capped 8 people and wounded 5 more before, thankfully, snuffing himself. I'll leave the discussion of how concealed weapons of law-abiding citizens could have reduced the body count to other people who have more time to discuss that. Instead, let's look at why this can happen.

Obviously, I place the blame on the shitbag gunman himself, as he is the one who, according to his suicide note, wanted to be famous. He got his wish. Unfortunately, this is the price we pay for a free society. There will always be kookburgers who have ideas how to become famous by snuffing people. Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold are well-known for their shooting spree. I mention them because they share the same stupid sickness that the current dead shooter had. That sickness is not brought on by something violent, be it video games, movies, music, magazines or silent pictures. The sickness is caused by a lack of discipline by parents.

This is not to say that good discipline at home wold stop all the goofballs out there, but consider this: Long before the Columbine massacre, I was writing and thinking shit like that. However, I had a good upbringing and never had the slightest intent or thought of actually doing it, despite access to enough guns to do some damage. If you don't believe that, then here's how I would shoot up a mall:

(Note: The following is purely hypothetical, and is meant to illustrate a point, not threaten a single damn person. That should be obvious, but all it takes is one idiot....)

I would do it on Black Friday, at 5 or 6am, when everybody is in a rush to get in the store. I'd be at the back of the line with a stack of "presents," creatively wrapped pipe bombs. I would have staked out the locations to place these in advance. I would place these to funnel people to one location. Then, once I was at that location, I would detonate the bombs. As the people ran screaming, I would open up with the shotgun, hitting whole groups. When the shotgun was empty, I would switch to pistols, putting bullets in anyone I could find. Once the people had thinned out, I'd do something for shock value, like scalping the corpses, while the police gathered up outside. Once I was sure there were enough police to ensure a good kill, as well as a news van or chopper, I'd come out with guns blazing and be cut down in a hail of bullets.

There you go. That's how easy it is to shoot up a mall. I requires breaking a lot of laws, having no soul, and wanting to do a lot of damage before you die. So if you think another law or a few more cops can protect us, you have a whole lot to learn. The responsibility for stopping these kind of people fall first to their parents, then to their community, and finally, should they begin shooting, to those who have followed a myriad of laws to protect themselves and others by packing heat. So lock and load!