Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mothers Day and a Maternal (HA!) AOTW

Today we honor all mothers. And like most of you who have had a long time with our mothers, we all know they can be the greatest mother in the world and the most complete pain in the ass ever conceived - at the same time. And I won't even get into the Mothers-in-Law (primarily because I don't have to deal with one.

So let's start out with a vid I picked up (from the MoveOn bunch, no less) that is perfect for the day. And yes, it's been personalized for the matriarch of family of the greatness that is me. Unfortunately, I couldn't find a convenient embed, or even lift the code from the page. So you'll have to do with the link.

As it is, she came and helped me get control of my apartment (for maybe a few hours). Thus I promised her I'd keep my more colorful language out of this post. Maybe I'll channel one of my kinder and gentler fellow bloggers (wit extra saccharine and whiskey). I also asked her about who I should pick for Asshat of the Week.

Of course, I didn't completely take her advice, as I kind of knew where I was probably going:

Self-Centered Pseudo-Moms are Asshats of the Week

In addition to honoring the mothers that made use who we are (in a good way (more or less)), this day also reminds me that there are those who don't really have mothers. And I'm not talking about those whose mother has died (for they have their mothers in stories and memories of theirs and/or others). I'm talking about the mothers who should have had the sense to suck their babies into a sink. Or should have had themselves sewn up so that they can't punish their children with their insipid little world. Trust me, mothers that don't really want to be mothers or shouldn't have ever been mothers do more damage than they do good (yes, I'm biting my tongue in naming her). Let's take some sterling examples of Asshat Mothers who would best serve their children by diving in front of a bus:

Britney Spears (my mother's pick): When you do drugs in front of your kids, have servants pick them up and drop them off, and spend as much time forgetting your undies, shaving your head, and generally melting down in front of the cameras, you've given up all rights to call yourself a good mother.

Madonna: Children are a blessing, not an accessory. Besides, after all we've seen, you really want to raise kids in a world that has seen every part of you from every conceivable angle, and occasionally with accessories, and....

The OctoMom: WTF! Seriously! Hell, I really don't need to elaborate on this.

Casey Anthony AND her mom (who I'm to lazy to look up): Well, Casey is easy. Too busy partying after snuffing your kid? And her mother is the idiotic accessory to the Casey crazy train.

All these sad excuses have one thing in common with too many other sad excuses for mothers: They are too focused on their world, their wants, or the parade of men between their legs to properly give a shit about their own kids. It infuriates me to no end to see this.

And if you know of my personal situation, you understand why I'm not as humorous as I should be on this post.


Shaw Kenawe said...

I'd like to remember my Mom on this day. She was a gentle, intelligent, kind, loving woman with only good things to say about people--and a fabulous cook.

I can't personally vouch for those virtues and talent, since I never knew her, but the relatives and friends who did know her assure me that she was all of those things and more.

I'm proud of her.

My Files said...

Can I nominate Wanda Sykes as the ASS-hat of the week?


I mean this as a compliment Patrick. You and my Mom would have gotten along famously.